Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
