K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
