Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
