i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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