It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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