You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
