Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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