we made out on top of his cat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
