first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last night I used snow as a chaser
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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