it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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