if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
