"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
