I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
