if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
