As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
