That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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