woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
