The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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