I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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