not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
