my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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