Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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