i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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