I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
