haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We need to rekindle our bromance
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
