You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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