I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
