We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
