yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
