dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
