and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
