I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
how does that bad decision feel?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
