I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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