I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
