I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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