So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
