just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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