I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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