Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
