a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
