If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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