Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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