After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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