you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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