She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i now understand why vodka
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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