dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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