he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
