Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
