Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
