I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
