yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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