The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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