is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
